[Editor's note: The following contains spoilers for Loki episode 6, "For All Time. Always."]
I would like to apologize in advance for any typos found in this article, as I did not so much "type it" as I did repeatedly rain vicious hammer blows upon my keyboard, fists bruised and unrelenting, incomprehensible and quite frankly disturbing wails of rage pouring from my mouth over the grievous oversight committed by the Loki finale. Titled "For All Time, Always", the sixth episode of Loki season 1 covered a lot of ground, introducing Jonathan Majors as Marvel supervillain Kang the Conqueror (maybe), broke the multiversal timeline, and set a chaotic stage for the next five or so years of MCU films. But at no point, during any of this, does Owen Wilson's Mobius ride a jet-ski. Not once, not even for a little. I've checked. I've rewound the tapes. Owen Wilson enjoys roughly five minutes of screentime in this episode and for exactly zero (0) seconds is he carving through salt aboard a sweet Kawasaki Ultra 310.
If you're thinking "what?" or possibly even "calm down," let's return to Loki episode 2, which introduced the funny little character quirk that Mobius casually read jet-ski magazines. "Because they're awesome," he tells Loki (Tom Hiddleston) as an explanation, leaving it a humorous bit of banter until the later reveal that everyone at the Time Variance Authority, Mobius included, is a Variant. They've lived lives, built personalities for themselves, all of those memories erased and discarded in service of the TVA's grand scheme. "You know where I could go if I could go anywhere? Wherever it is I'm really from," Mobius tells Revonna Renslayer (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) after he learns the truth. I have never interacted with Owen Wilson on a personal or professional level, but I looked into his eyes in this moment and knew with 100% certainty he was picturing Mobius, shirtless and several hours in to a healthy base tan, absolutely slicing his way through crystal-clear water astride a Yamaha WaveRunner, mustache catching salt spray like the sail of an old whaling vessel.
You look to TV finales for explanations, yes, but also catharsis; emotional arcs have to end even if—and this is common for the MCU—the literal beats of the plot keep going. For some, this might mean Hiddleston's Loki re-defining "glorious purpose" on a smaller, more personal scale, one that, for the first time in his many lives, includes another human being. Or it might mean Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) finally fulfilling her life's goal and learning the violent option often stains our ambitions an ugly red. Or, for anyone with a working soul inside their body, it would mean the sight of Mobius on the back of a sleek, powerful Sea-Doo GTX 300, his uproarious laughter lost in the sea wind. Only two of these three things happened in "For All Time, Always," and at the risk of sounding dramatic, that is a tragedy on par with all wars.
"There's going to be a second season, there is still plenty of time for that to happen, please stop DM'ing me this article" you could say, especially if you are Loki head writer Michael Waldron, to which I'd mostly reply by doing the jerk-off motion in your face and then noting that Mobius riding a jet-ski is officially priority #1 for the MCU. The franchise is seemingly in for a wild next phase, as all of reality collapses, a time-traveling conqueror seeks to take control, and chaos magic collides with quantum physics to create a multiverse of madness. This means nothing to me. Spider-Man: No Way Home could bring back every single Peter Parker for a battle atop the Statue of Liberty with Willem Dafoe's Green Goblin and Paul Giamatti's Rhino set to Smash Mouth's "All-Star" and I would watch it with the emotional detachment of a corpse unless, in the background, you see Owen Wilson traversing the Hudson River aboard a Honda AquaTrax F12, winking directly into the camera in a way that indicates he just does this whenever. That he gets to ride a jet-ski for all time. Always.
-----------------------
By: Vinnie Mancuso
Title: Loki Episode 6: Why Didn't Owen Wilson Ride a Jet-Ski?
Sourced From: collider.com/loki-episode-6-owen-wilson-mobius-jet-ski/
Published Date: Wed, 14 Jul 2021 17:56:30 GMT
Did you miss our previous article...
https://ballerawards.news/movies/best-hulu-shows-and-original-series-to-watch-right-in-july-2021
